What to be when you grow up...or have reached almost 30.

It's funny b/c sometimes I think of my life as something that I haven't truly lived yet. Well, I guess that's when the difference of conscious & unconscious comes into play. Many of the things I've done/been, I have done out of the unconscious realm. Just doing what I thought I should do or picking up on inclinations & running with them. When you are conscious and awake in this life, so much more seems possible. This is great, however...decisions, decisions, decisions.

In highschool I worked on cash registers b/c I liked buttons. Then I went to college for graphics and got a job right afterwards. I decided I wanted to be a mother, so there that full-time job was put in front of me for at least 18 years and then some. So I had a great desire to work from home. I searched high and low to find something, anything in order to do so...and so I ended up finding customer service...something I semi did before college. Graphics degree, not required.

Then after all of that, I have had the desire to really search for my heart's desire, have my own business and do what I love doing all day long making more money than any company would ever pay me. Of course that has been the biggest challenge ever! I love writing...as you can see. But there are no jobs that are lined up in the newspapers to give you unlimited salary and allow you to talk about whatever it is that you like...all day long.

Then there is coaching, something I took a 3 month course on, love to do and have gotten some experience in, however - a marketer/PR person I am not. Building a business with little cash flow and limited time is not as easy as you would like it to be...especially when you work from home and everyone you could talk to about it, you already have. At the present moment, little people even know of life coaches & their purpose, much less do I know of anyone who has built a practice where they are hiring their own. I would possibly like to be this person, but it may be a good idea to have my own thriving practice first, huh?

So...while I love working from home, having the flexibility for the kids, and exploring my life possibilities, I don't love the $10/hr with no benefits deal. Also of course, I know I have so much great energy that I could be putting to better use than reserving someone's seat on a plane. Eventually all of this stuff will be wiped out with consumers having no choice but to arrange all their own stuff with no help unless they hire someone just for that specific purpose. I can't imagine the upset when only a computer will listen to your whines and complaints.

So I'm left with many things to ponder.

Do I dust off my graphics portfolio and drudge ahead with commutes, kid unfriendly policies, a boss, the hectic office environment and too long work days to still be pressed for income? At least you have insurance so when you end up going to the doctor b/c of your illness level, it's covered.

Do I open myself up to more training, another field and see if there's something else out there that I have missed for 29 years...real estate, the medical field or any other highlighed section off of a college brochure that has spoken in the slightest to me that I have denied hearing?

Do I listen to my desire to counsel in a less alternative form as coaching, pursue more education in that area so that I can go out and get a "real job" in order to do for a living. All while, hating school, the debt I'm incurring and the no guarantee even then of a career in it. Should I just keep my eyes open for an opportunity to get my foot in somewhere with it?

Or do I just keep the dream alive, (w/out benefits, and with the scary side affect) and stay focused on seeing any opportunity that may allow me to still be my own boss, do what I enjoy and keep hope alive that the pay, the security and the benefits will somehow follow?

Wow, talk about sweet and sour all at the same time!!