Thank God for child care and responsible fathers...

Friday...Get up, get kids ready, take them to daycare, go by Wal-mart get a fan so that I don't explode while working with no a/c, 9:30am client call, pick up house, work, market for business, follow the rest of to do list, have two hour break in evening to do some cleaning/eating, work again, 10:30pm client call that is to be recorded and submitted for completion of course. Is there any room for sanity in all this? Sour...

In between all of this, I am taking time out - being grateful that it could be worse, their father could not be picking the kids up from daycare in which I would have clue how to get half of this done...and can God hear me when I thank her for daycare?! My "work" is nothing compared to my WORK as a mother or that of taking care of children. Without those $6/hr making ladies (which by the way, when are we going to ever see some male daycare workers?! maybe then the $6/hr will go up, hmmm...) how would I possibly avoid being Andrea Yates (REAL lemonade, remember).

I have always said I don't know how women did it back then with raising kids full-time and rarely having time for anything else other than cooking or cleaning? There was no wonder that children were hit over the heads with ketchup bottles (yep, true story & they were glass back then) and beat with telephones. Was it really that parents were more into discipline back then, or were they just at their wits ends?

As much as the dynamics have changed, the truth has remained the same. Having, raising children is the hardest thing you will ever possibly do - they say the most rewarding, which I can kind of see, but it's definitely not in the financial sense...unless you want to consider that they "may" do some of the butt wiping when you are 100, rather than paying a nurse, however - most of the time the nurses get paid.

You can say all day, if I would've known & of course I love my children and have no real regrets about having them. But...I know I would've lived life alot more first and had plenty of sitters/nannies or whatever else the village could possibly consist of before having them. That just to keep my sanity and time to allow myself to still grow.

So now my twins are almost three and I'm cutting the umbilical cord a little. It is getting easier with potty training almost out of the way. It'll never be easy, but I will be able to look back on things and say that I did do it and then know that I can do anything!! They'll always be a constant source in my life and that helps to provide a greater sense of self, a great reason among many to be my best self and give me more motive to leave this world a better place then when I found it...sweet.

If I were a rich girl...

Hmmm...sunglasses, mascara, lip gloss, bronzer, candy (life saver gummies, yum yum) and possibly an outfit.

As I walk through Wal-mart I'm just loving how I'm going through and seeing such cute stuff in their clothing department. Are my eyes deceiving me or is my limited cash flow just allowing me to be dillusional? Stuff that if I were to buy I would have to be really selective, yet I'm seeing alot of great stuff. Agh...found it, cute denim looking sundress that has week of the fourth written all over it, $13.94. All I need is a pair of sandals to pick out among tons in my closets that have been neglected for my black flops. Sweet....

As I leave Wal-mart and have a sense of contentment about my new cheap find. But I also have a sense of tiredness of watching my budget and always shopping in the clearance sections of nice department stores. I ask myself, will the days of damn bargaining ever end? Sour....

Hell is hot, but not as hot as June w/out a/c...

So now three kids later, I'm left with my possibly soon to be ex-husband's condo.

There is something nice about summer - the barbeque's, the smell of green cut grass, the taste of watermelon with a dash of salt...even the heat when there is a nice pool to dive into that refreshes you like entering into a new realm of reality.

When the sun has set, you can open the windows and let the nice breeze flow through your space and remind you of the evenings that you spent chasing fire flies and hoping that the clock would stop so you wouldn't have to go inside.

Agh, nice memories. Much nicer than the memory that I will be left with of not having any a/c in my truck or in my apartment this June going into July. Sweat dripping even after a cold shower...what a freakin' lemon.