Separate but Married

This is going to be quite a sweet and sour batch of lemonade.

My "relationship" status is currently separate but married. It's going on a five year relationship with possibly soon to be ex.

Why the separation you ask? Who knows? My biggest guess is unrealistic expectations, not accepting someone for who they are & knowing that if you love them, they are going to be the best they possibly can. And if you don't like them when you love them, then leave them alone :)

We've had one of those in, out - back, forth relationships. However this time out is a little different...it means out of the house, custody split and all. He has spoken of counseling and this is something I'm waiting to see if he's serious about.

This is a new separation. It's been about 3 wks now. Of course concerning our relationship, nothing has changed...other than his attitude which was the number one problem.

He invited me to spend last wkend w/him. Since the air doesn't work here in the condo, the door is open there ;0. We shall possibly spend the upcoming 4th of July holiday together. After that, I will start limiting contact unless we are going to counseling.

Dating...agh dating. Bottomline, at this point I don't have much time for it. Nor do I want to ever even ponder another living arrangement with another individual with children involved. If at all possibly, you keep your house, I'll keep mine - of course with my busy schedule, kids, coaching and all it would be quite difficult. Maybe that's what took it's tole on the marriage? I didn't make enough hours in the day to cater to my man?

So now he's actually wanting to spend time w/me and the kids...sweet, I think. The only sour thing is concerning the kids and not seeing them day in day out...did I say that was sour, lol? I love them, but my God they are a job! The first two weeks I felt like I was completely on vacation.

It was quite awkward leaving them Sunday afternoon and coming back to my place after the wkend was over...it was bitter sweet. Bitter b/c they wouldn't be around, sweet b/c their would be no being driven crazy...peace, serenity - agh.

Not having to deal with his disrespectful attitude when things weren't going his way and sleeping as late as I like when I don't have the kids...complete heaven. Actually spending the whole entire weekend together us and the kids, rather than him busying himself with the other ol so important stuff...sweet.

Not seeing the family every day...sour.

But ultimately, for the first time in life, I'm at peace with it all. I am happy to be in an environment with no expectations...where I can just be myself and it feel like home. If it weren't for the kids desire to have both parents there every day or the secret wish that we could all live together as a happily family - I would be completely okay with things. And maybe with time and seeing how things progress, I will accept that in that type of situation, we just aren't meant to be. Maybe I will just continue to date and have fun w/my husband? Whether with him or someone else, I would really like to stay in my own space...it could be simply what makes all the difference?

Of course stay tuned for this ongoing batch of sweet & sour lemonade :)